Social Skills for Teenagers

As children grow into their teenage years, they are faced with several changes, including how they interact socially with their peers and shifts in the expectations around how they behave. This can be challenging not only for the young person, but also for their support system to know how to best guide them. In this blog we will outline some key social skills areas that are important for teens, how we can encourage positive social experiences and some resources that you may find helpful if you wish to explore this area further.

So much is changing for our teens, it can be a really challenging time.

• They are wanting to become more independent – this might include socialising away from their family or support people which can include initiating and exiting conversations for the first time, as well as using small talk in a reciprocal conversation.
• They might start taking more risks.
• They are discovering more about themselves and exploring who they want to be.
• Their relationships are changing – friends, parents, teachers.
• They may be interacting with adults more, for example in a part time job.
• They may be expected to have more responsibilities.

At this stage of their life, areas for development can include:

• Entering and exiting conversations independently.
• Developing and maintaining friendships and relationships.
• Conflict resolution.
• Confidence and empathy.
• Self-control and behaviour regulation.
• Setting boundaries of their own – deciding for themselves, outside of what their parents have previously allowed them to do, for example, if they want to engage in different activities or conversations.
• How to say “no” and hear and respect someone else’s “no”.

Your role as a support person for your teen can help them navigate this tricky time. Ways you can support include:

• Teach by example – have conversations with your peers, with your children and teenagers present. Demonstrate how to start a conversation, some small talk points of conversation, how to resolve a difference in opinion and how to exit a conversation if you’re not feeling comfortable.
• Develop and nurture your parent/child relationship; again, to ensure positive modelling of relationships but also so your teen can talk to you if needed or just know home if a safe place to land.
• Discuss and reflect on conversations or social interactions with your children and teenagers – what went well about an interaction, what would you do differently, were you ever stumped and struggled to think about what to ask them next, did you feel uncomfortable by what someone said and how did you manage this? You can also use scenarios in movies, books or TV shows as talking points.
• Come up with a secret sign, phrase or text that can indicate that your teen needs help or would like to talk to you – this can give them the confidence to try out their social skills while knowing you are close by if needed.

In summary, we hope you can use this blog as a starting point to reflect on the social changes and skills your teen is going through. Consider, how are you finding talking to your teen? We know this can be a challenge at the best of times! Try connecting with them on something they love. Ask them to teach you how to play their favourite video game or to practice the sport they love playing. This will give time and opportunity for conversations and for them to ask questions if they need.

Hair, E.C., Jager, J. and Garrett, S.B., 2002. Helping teens develop healthy social skills and relationships: What the research shows about navigating adolescence.

Newcomb, A. F., & Bagwell, C. L., 1995. Children's friendship relations: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 117(2), 306-347.

Barber, B. K., & Erickson, L. D., 2001. Adolescent social initiative: Antecedents in the ecology of social connections. Journal of Adolescent Research, 16(4), 326-354.